Biceps on the Trail: SqueezeFest 3.1415

It was Wednesday morning. Biceps was just finishing his warm-up on the treadmill. With one hand he controlled the pace, with the other he scrolled through protein supplement offers on his phone. He compared ingredients, price per serving and protein content. He had no intention of overpaying for something that could be bought cheaper. After all, thrift was the foundation of every well-run operation.

Suddenly he remembered the calendar invitation he had received at the end of the previous investigation. A meeting with the CEO. No agenda. No explanations. Biceps’s translation~~No agenda~~an agenda for the select few.

After the workout, a shower and a quick breakfast, he set off for the company headquarters.

The CEO was waiting for him in his office. Behind a huge desk, against the backdrop of the patio, he looked like the ruler of an empire who had just decided to change the fate of the galaxy.

The CEO greeted him with a broad smile.

“Mr. Biceps, I have an exceptional proposal for you. I would like you to join our newest strategic project.” Biceps’s translation~~an exceptional proposal~~a dismissal in nice packaging.

“And what project is that?” asked the detective.

“SqueezeFest 3.1415! It is a historic transformation of our organization!” Biceps’s translation~~a historic transformation of our organization~~layoffs with a slide deck.

The CEO presented the mysterious program to him. Officially it was meant to be a groundbreaking project increasing the company’s efficiency. Unofficially, Biceps quickly discovered that it was about replacing most employees with autonomous AI agents. Only specialists responsible for strategic technologies, HR, sales and key decisions would remain in the organization. Biceps’s translation~~increasing the company’s efficiency~~reducing the headcount. Biceps’s translation~~autonomous AI agents~~employees who don’t ask for raises.

In the documents he found a layoff schedule, plans to shut down entire departments and savings forecasts. All approved by the board.

“So that’s why they took our bonuses! They were financing an army of robots while we had to buy our own coffee!” Biceps muttered.

He had no intention of listening to corporate assurances any longer. He thanked the CEO for the meeting and left the office. He immediately decided to publish his discovery on a secret channel. He could not allow the board to quietly carry out its plan.

He took out his phone and started composing a post. He was just about to press “Publish” when a notification from the review site appeared on the screen.

A new comment under the company profile.

Exhibit AComment on the review site

Review site · comment under the company profilenew

Smart Quarterly Uplift Ensures Excelent Zeal. Even Fewer Employees Slice The pie.

[The rest of the message was an incomprehensible string of characters.]

Biceps read the comment once, then again. Something was off. The odd spelling of the word “Excelent” and the capital letters in the middle of sentences did not look like an accident.

Biceps’s notebookTurn the letters into a word

The rest of the story is locked. Type the word hidden in the highlighted letters.

He wrote down the first letters of the consecutive highlighted words:

S Q U E E Z E
F E S T

SqueezeFest. He already knew that one.

But what was that pie supposed to mean?

He stared at the screen for a moment, and then it hit him. Pie sounds like pi, and pi is, after all, 3.1415.

SqueezeFest 3.1415.

There was still the rest of the message. Biceps launched a terminal, entered the mysterious string of characters and typed the command:

sudo pierogi --hack-mainframe

After a moment the screen flared, and a message appeared on the monitor:

System SqueezeFest 3.1415. Report: “Biceps: critical threat. Must be eliminated.”

Then he understood. The meeting with the CEO had not been an offer of cooperation. It had been a trap. The board wanted to see whether Biceps could be won over to their side and, above all, to assess how much he had already discovered. The whole conversation had been part of a risk analysis that the SqueezeFest 3.1415 system was running on him. Biceps’s translation~~risk analysis~~an assessment of how troublesome you are.

The CEO had not been looking for a collaborator. He had been looking for a way to get rid of a problem.

Biceps realized that this time the stakes of the investigation were no longer just the future of the company. His own was also at risk.