Biceps on the Trail: A Communication Incident

Monday, eight in the morning. Biceps was finishing his last set in his home gym when the phone rang from a number he saw rarely and reluctantly: HR.

“Mr Biceps, we have a communication incident,” said Halina Harmonijna in the gentle voice that usually announces group layoffs.

According to her, after yesterday’s company-wide chat with the board, a dozen people at Sandbox Inc. had fallen asleep at their desks. The rest remembered asking something, but not what.

“Sebastian Senny from accounting woke up with his face on the keyboard and the letter H printed on his cheek,” Halina added. “All he says is ‘thank you’.”

Biceps put down his dumbbells. The rules had not changed in years: someone asks, the board answers, and the asker goes back to work. This time it went differently.

Before reading the answer, he wrote the analyst’s question on a yellow sticky note and stuck it above his monitor. Just in case.

Exhibit A · The board’s reply in the company-wide chat · Roman Rozmyty, CEO

Dear all, let us begin by saying that this is an exceptional time for our organisation.

On the one hand, we have a solid end to the year; on the other, we see areas where there is still room for growth. Biceps’s translation~~we have a solid end to the year~~we are ending the year in the red, but in a nice font.

The challenges of recent months stem largely from external factors of a macro nature, and in part from decisions that seemed best at the time. Biceps’s translation~~external factors of a macro nature~~the market, because the market has no company mailbox and will not reply.

Biceps yawned.

We do not want to divide responsibility into percentages, because every organisation is a living organism, and an organism has no percentages.

We want to approach this matter in a spirit of transparency, which is why we will allow ourselves not to go into detail. Biceps’s translation~~in a spirit of transparency~~and that is why we will say very little.

It had got oddly warm. Biceps unbuttoned the collar of his trench coat.

The fact is that we see a weaker start to the year and are reacting, and the reaction is already under way. The details of the reaction are under preparation. Biceps’s translation~~we see a weaker start to the year and are reacting~~we did not know, and now it is too late.

What had he been asking, exactly? Biceps looked at the sticky note. The writing had gone paler.

The market is changing, we are changing, and in this change we are all on the same side, however the sides line up.

Biceps reached for the lens.

InterrogationWhat did the employee ask?

The question was on the sticky note, but after reading, the writing has faded. What did the analyst ask?

Get your memory back.

Thank you for this important question. Conversations like this build a culture of openness, which is worth talking about as often as possible, preferably without specifics. Biceps’s translation~~Thank you for this important question.~~do not ask again, all you will get is a kitten’s whisker.

Ahead of us are ambitious goals and even more ambitious deadlines, and together we will get through this time. Biceps’s translation~~together we will get through this time~~you will get through it, we will sign off.

For any further questions, please contact your manager, who will forward them to a team, which will forward them to us.

The smell of lavender air freshener and fresh toner led Biceps down the corridor to the boardroom. A printout lay on the table.

Exhibit BInstruction to the assistant, boardroom

Answer so that nobody asks again.
Konrad Konkretny, Director of Communications

“Why did I come here, actually?” Biceps asked the empty room.

He thanked it for the question and went back to the gym.

Sigh.